TOW the Pancakes
by samuraiheart
Summary: Joey/Chandler slash. Rating for some language (not much). A slightly humorous look at Joey's girlfriends from Chandler's POV. Complete.


Author's Notes: 

This is inspired by a scene in "The One With Ross's Book" where Joey says that Chandler used to make pancakes for his girlfriends in the morning and kind of let them down easy by telling them things about how Joey's not ready for a serious relationship etc. 

This is SLASH so please stop reading now if male/male relationships bother you.

This is from Chandler's POV.

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TOW the Pancakes

By samuraiheart

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I looked up for a moment taking my eyes off the pancake batter as I stirred it together. I saw Joey bend forward slightly and place a quick kiss on the lips of the woman who had spent the night with him. Rina, Reba, Rika something like that. Not sure what her name is exactly. I frown at her winning smile shining in Joey's direction and make myself turn my attention back to the task at hand - making pancakes as usual. Just as Joey expects me to. Joey shoots me a quick glance of approval before turning towards the front door and looking back to wave goodbye to his date. "See you later, Rita!"

Rita, so that was her name. Not like it really mattered. Joey would probably break it off with her within the week. Probably before sunset. I smirk a little at that. For all the talent Joey has with the ladies he certainly doesn't seem to have any desire to hold on to one. Joey's idea of a long-term relationship is saving half a sandwich to eat as a snack a few hours later. Women are toys to him and nothing more. But I know Joey. I know what he thinks about and what he feels. I know that these occasional women never get past the "How you doin'" and see him as nothing more than a quick fuck or a pig depending on what they're expecting out of the relationship to begin with. Sure, there have been one or two that have had held Joey's attention for longer than 24 hours but they're few and far between. I think it's the chase more than the catch that Joey enjoys. It's like a game to him.

Of course, I've fallen for the same trap. Only in my case there's no chance of a messy break up because there's no relationship and there never will be. We're friends and nothing more. We can never go beyond that for some very simple reasons. I'm never planning on telling Joey how I feel and there is absolutely no reason for me to even begin to believe that Joey has any similar feelings for me.

I'm still not really sure how it happened or even when. I admit that the line between friendship and love has always been a little blurry to me. I suppose it has something to do with my lack of friends as a child. I'm always looking for something and I suppose I have a tendency to hold onto it rather tightly once I've found it. I guess I'm afraid of losing it.  Joey's the best friend I've ever had. Even with Ross, there was always something missing. We didn't share a connection like Joey and I do. With Ross there was no spark. I shake my head at that. Of course, even with Joey the spark is surely a one-sided figment of my imagination. I have to try to push these thoughts out of my head. I don't need them right now and they certainly aren't helping my 'get-over-Joey' efforts.

"So, you're Joey's roommate huh?"

I looked up startled for a minute. I had nearly forgotten about the woman. Time to make small talk and witty banter. "The one and only." I answer as casually as I can trying not to sound bitter. Trying not to think about the contrast between that label and the one I hope for or the self-loathing that usually comes with such thoughts. I try to concentrate on the moment at hand and not the ridiculous fantasy world I dwell on far to often.

She smiles again, perfect teeth behind well-shaped lips. Long golden locks of hair draped over her shoulders. "Well, I've heard a lot about you."

"Really?" I reply with mock curiosity as I pour the pancake batter by the spoonful into a shallow frying pan and wait for them to cook.

"Yeah, I bet you could tell me a thing or two about Joey."

"Oh, you bet I could."

"So do you think he likes me?"

"Well, you know Joe is kind of a loner. Some might even call him an outlaw. Pancake?"

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Another weekend, another date, another night, another morning. Sally this time. She seems like a nice girl. She's already fallen for Joey. I can tell. I see it in her eyes. I worry that maybe he has fallen for her too, but he winks at me before he goes off to another audition and I know that she will meet the same fate as the others. Breakfast is just to soften the blow. There is no audition and Joey will be back in an hour.

"So, you and Joey must be good friends."

Aw, now that's original. I've only heard it twenty times before. I stand there shifting the pancakes with my spatula and briefly contemplate giving her the silent treatment. It would be kind of fun and certainly different but I just can't go through with it. I can still picture the expression on Joey's face just as he was leaving and the smile I'm sure to see when he comes back and sees that she is gone. Sees that he is alone with me. What am I saying, he likes my pancakes. That's as far as it goes.

"Sorry, got distracted. Yeah, Joey and I have known each other for quite a while."

"I bet you could tell me lots of interesting things about him."

"Yeah, I guess." I don't want to play this game.

"Come on, just one little secret."

"Well, actually, I happen to know that Joey's not looking for a serious relationship right now, pancake?"

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"Gotta run, Chandler, save me some pancakes."

I nodded and gave him a half-hearted wave goodbye. Another fun morning at the bachelor's pad babysitting another one of Joey's one night stands. 

"So, Bridget is it? Look at that, I can rhyme."

She giggled. I never really pictured Joey with a girl who giggled. I know that on the surface he doesn't seem like that great of a catch. Of course he's gorgeous but he can be sort of shallow and selfish from time to time. Of course that's only with women. I mean, not that he's been with men or anything it's just that, well, I see him differently than that. I see him in the moments where's he just Joey and he's kindhearted and caring, wonderful and funny, giving and clever and perfect. Fucking perfect. And unreachable.

Bridget takes a pancake and douses it in syrup. I grimace slightly at the sight.

"So, you're awfully quiet. You don't like me much do you?"

I pause for a moment in mid-bite. Where the hell had that come from?

"W-what? Why would you say that?"

"I don't know. You just don't seem very pleased with my company. Like maybe you're jealous?"

"Jealous! Well I'll have you know that I'm very pleased with your company. I couldn't be more pleased. I'm so high up on the pleased scale that there's not even a name for it yet."

I let out a deep breath and push a piece of pancake across my plate with my fork. God I hope I didn't sound as lame to her as I did to my own ears. But she laughed and smiled her eyes sparkling with genuine emotion.

"Your funny. Strange, but funny."

"Why thanks, I do my best."

"So given my luck with men that means you must be gay, right?"

"What! Why do you say that? Wh-why would you say something like that?"

"Sorry, it just seems to happen to me a lot."

"Really, now. Well, it's strange that you should mention that because actually I think Joey might be gay."

"You're kidding. He doesn't seem the type."

"No he doesn't does he, but you should see his…" My mind races, searching around frantically for something to finish that sentence – something that could convince her. "his cd collection. He has two copies of the Annie soundtrack." My voice shakes slightly but she doesn't seem to notice.

"Really? Well, maybe I should just go then. Can you tell Joey that I had a wonderful time, but I don't think I'll be calling."

I stood there as she left leaning slightly on the counter and blinking in disbelief. Could it really be that easy? Joey would kill me if he found out, but it certainly seems to get rid of them. She didn't even stay for a pancake. I'd have to try that again sometime.

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"Lindsey, huh? Nice name."

"Thanks, is that like nice name I don't care or are you just really bad at this small talk thing."

"Ummmm… I'll take no comment for 200, Alex."

"Alright then, so I guess I can't expect to hear any juicy details of Joey's personal life from you."

"Actually, last week I overheard him telling his boyfriend the most interesting thing."

"His boyfriend!"

"Yeah, didn't Joey tell you about Enrico?"

"Uh, no."

"They're pretty serious. They've been dating for a couple of months now. I think we just might be hearing wedding bells pretty soon."

"Oh God, I have to go."

"Bye." Chandler smiled pleased with himself.

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"And you must be Chandler!"

"And you must be Elisa!"

"God you must hate this."

"Hate what?"

"This. You know having to talk to Joey's girlfriends the 'morning after'."

"Well, I'd love to tell you that I had better things to do with my time, but well, I don't."

"Gee, you sound like an exciting guy."

"Oh I'm just a thrill a minute."

"So, has Joey said anything about me?"

"Yeah, actually he told me that he was really sorry he couldn't keep seeing you once his civil union went through."

"His what!"

"His civil union. He and Bob are going up to Vermont next weekend to tie the knot so to speak."

"But, but…"

"You mean he didn't tell you? He should really stop doing this. If Bob found out…"

"Yeah. Tell him I think he's a freak."

"Well, that certainly wasn't very nice." Chandler put the rest of the pancakes in the fridge for Joey to eat later.

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Next time, no date. Strange, but I guess even Joey does need the occasional morning to himself.

"Hey, Good Morning Joe. What no girl this time?"

"Huh? Oh no, I'm giving it a rest for a while." He's watching television or at least flipping through channels, but he doesn't seem to be paying attention to the images flicking across the screen. He doesn't turn to look at me and I wonder if I've done something wrong.

"Joey Tribbiani taking a break from girls, what is the world coming too."

"Yeah, whatever, I actually do have an audition today. I'll see you later." He stands to leave and he still seems to be avoiding my gaze. I feel a pit in the bottom of my stomach and my mouth suddenly goes dry. Maybe he knows. Maybe he's finally found me out. I've been so careful, but he must have seen it in my eyes or overheard me mumble something in my sleep. That has to be it. Oh god, I hope that's not it.

"Hey, Joe, I was just joking you know that right?" Maybe I can still make this work. Maybe I can just pretend that everything's fine. Even if he suspects, he can never know for sure unless I tell him right? I'll just have to get better at keeping it a secret.

"I know. See ya later." He smiles a sad sort of smile in my direction just as he closes the door and I stand there staring at the wall for several seconds. I don't know what to do. I have to fix this somehow. I scribble a short note on the Magna Doodle and head off to work.

_Hey man, I'm sorry if I've caused you any trouble. If there's anything I can do to help let me know. Enjoy the pancakes._

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Later that evening, I walk in the apartment to find Joey sitting at the bar. He looks up for a moment and then avoids my gaze just as before.

"Hey there, did you get the part?" I try to make small talk and hope that I can bring a smile to his face once again. I don't like seeing him upset like this especially when I don't know what's wrong.

"Huh? Oh no, they were looking for someone a little more experienced." He smiles sadly once again, but it is a brief expression that quickly fades back into that grim expression he's been wearing since I walked in. I worry that I may be the cause of it.

"Oh sorry man." I walk over to him and pat him on the shoulder. He flinches slightly at my touch and my heart beats too quickly in my chest. I can hear it thundering in my ears and I am suddenly afraid that I have lost everything. I don't know what I am going to do. How had I let this happen?

"Nah, it's okay. I didn't really want it anyway." He shifts slightly in his seat and looks down at his hands.

"I'm sure something will come along soon." I take a deep breath and try to compose myself. I don't yet have any proof that this has anything to do with me. Maybe it is selfish of me to think that it does. Maybe some girl broke his heart or he's pining after a love of his own. Maybe I can help.

"Yeah."

"So, is everything really alright?"

"Yeah."

"Real convincing Joe."  
  
A brief hesitation in those warm brown eyes and I am once again seized in a moment of panic. 

"Sorry, I've just got a lot on my mind."

I nod and decide that I'm not wanted here. I guess I'll just leave him to sort things out on his own. 

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I'm at work now trying hard to focus on spreadsheets and figures but my mind keeps wandering back to Joey. I guess it doesn't really matter why he's upset. The fact is that I am keeping something from him that has the potential to make things worse. I'm lying to him with every kind gesture and caring glance. I'm a horrible friend really who has somehow managed to twist simple acts of friendship into to perverse objects of desire. Maybe I should just tell him and get it over with. I don't think I could ever tell him in person. I know it's cowardly, but maybe if I get my thoughts down on paper that would be better. I could write him a note. 

_Hey Joey,_

_I don't know exactly how to tell you this. I don't have pretty words or clever phrases to throw around here. This is something I never thought I would tell you and yet I've always wanted to. I love you Joey. I guess that I kind of always have. I love you with everything I have and I want to be with you more than anything. I'm sure this must come as quite a shock and I really don't expect our friendship to survive this. I'm not sure why I'm telling you now. I guess I just wanted to erase the sadness I've seen at the edges of your gaze lately and hoped that for a brief moment this might bring a smile to your lips. I don't expect you to feel the same way and I don't expect you to ever forgive me for the feelings I have, but please give me a day or two to get my stuff together before you make me move out. I think that years of friendship deserve that much at least._

_Sincerely, _

_Chandler_

I fold the note up with hands shaking more than I care to admit and stuff it in my coat pocket. I guess I'll give it to him tomorrow after a night of trying to reassure myself that this is a good idea. Then maybe I won't be so scared. Then maybe I will be certain that this is a good idea. If I'm not, I will simply throw the note away and forget about it entirely. Or at least I will try.

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The gusty wind of an autumn day in New York forces me to pull my jacket closer to me in an attempt to hold in the warmth and keep the cold at bay as I near my building.

It's been a long day and it is an effort to make it up the stairs to my apartment. I want nothing more than to lay down and forget about the note burning a whole in my pocket and threatening to turn my world upside down. Threatening to destroy everything I hold dear. 

I lay down for a nap with a clear intention of tearing the note up when I awake. I just can't go through with it. Hours pass in a restless but deep sleep and when I awake it is nearly dark. I grope my way across the room and flip the light switch on. I glance at the chair where I had thrown my coat only to find it empty. This can't be. I search franticly around the room, but find nothing.

Cautiously I make my way to the darkness of the living room. No Joey either.

The phone rings and startles me before I can jump to any conclusions. It's Joey.

"Hey man, I hope I didn't wake you."

"Nope. I just woke up a few minutes ago."

"You were so sound asleep when I left. I didn't want to disturb you."

"Yeah, it was a busy day at work and I didn't sleep well the night before." Or the night before that on back a couple of years maybe.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I'll be home in about an hour. Do you want me to pick up something for dinner?"

"Sure, that sounds good."

"Okay, what do you want? Let me just find something to write this down on. Hmmm, what's this?"

"What's what?"

"Oh nothing, just something I found in your pocket."

"In my pocket? In MY pocket? What are you doing in my pocket?"

"Chill dude, I just borrowed your coat. I'll give it back as soon as I get home. I just couldn't find mine."

"Joey, please just throw the note away. Please, just toss it in the trash."

"Come on, now you've got me curious."

I strain to hear the sound of paper rustling.

"What the…"

"Oh god Joey, no. Please don't read it. Don't…"

I jump at the clatter of the phone dropping on the other end. Silence fills the line and I'm not sure what has happened.

"Oh god, please don't hate me Joe. Please don't hate me." I'm pleading with him now not sure if he can even hear me. Everything seems to have fallen apart so suddenly. I'm sure I sound pathetic, but I just never meant for this to happen. I never really meant for him to find out.

I somehow manage to hang up the phone when the dial tone comes on and I sink to the floor miserable. Sniffles turn into all out sobs and the dim light of dusk fades into a blacker evening. I hold my arms loosely across my chest repeating the words of our conversation over and over in my mind. I try to remember exactly what the note says and try to find a way to construe the words into something other than what they are. Maybe I can convince him that the note was not meant for him. Some other Joey perhaps or Jolene. Maybe I could tell him the note was written by someone else. Someone else with remarkably similar handwriting. Maybe I can…

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of someone just outside the door. A pause. A shuffle of footsteps. The rustle of clothing. I hold my breath not daring to move.

The doorknob turns and Joey steps inside. 

He turns on light and I blink at the sudden brightness. Before me is a sight that I can't take in all at once. Joey's face streaked with tears mostly wiped away but still glistening slightly on his cheeks. Eyes wide and uncertain. A bunch of flowers gathered tightly in one hand.

Hesitation. Uncertainty. Taut silence between us.

A smile. A thrusting of slightly wilted flowers before my face. A hug. A kiss. An I love you too. A happily ever after.

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The End

Sorry for the sparse first-person style, but I was trying something new. Let me know if you found anything confusing. I hope you all liked it. Thanks for reading!


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